Better Than Me
by FFirst2L
Summary: Yuki has never been so depressed in his life and living almost a month without his lover is really taking it's toll...but will Yuki take Shuichi back or will he do something different or something OOC? Songfic, Mentioning of Violence, Language.


**FF**: I have changed my name because the other one got to boring for me. I was so surprised that no one thought of using this song for Yuki and Shuichi…or at least I haven't read one that has used it.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gravitation or the characters. I also do not own the song _Better Than Me_ that is owned by Hinder.

**Warnings:** Possible swearing, Violence, Boy x Boy loving,

**Note:** _**Song,** thinking/writing,_ "talking", **flashback.**

**Category:** Angst and Romance…Enjoy the story everyone and please review so that I know what you all think!! Let me know if I should stick to the happy endings or write more depressing fictions.

**Better Than Me:**

Yuki sat in his office staring at the blinking cursor on the laptop screen that was constantly reminding him that he hasn't written anything in almost a month and his editor would soon be calling asking where the hell his manuscript is. Shuichi had finally left him...he should be happy, jumping for joy, getting a lot of work done but there was nothing…nothing was happening that would benefit him. Yuki actually became worse than he had before and everything that happened was his fault, it always has been. Without really thinking Yuki took out a piece of paper from the desk drawer paper and with the pen that was on his desk already he began to write everything that was on his mind.

_I think you can do much better than me  
After all the lies that I made you believe  
Guilt kicks in and I start to see  
The edge of the bed  
Where your nightgown used to be_

_I told myself that I wouldn't miss you at all but I can't help it. Everything that I see here reminds me of you. I hate it that you are gone…even though I never thought I would even think that. I can't even sleep properly anymore…haven't gotten sleep in almost a month now. I wonder every day how you are doing now and what you could possibly be doing. I have even thought about going into the studio to see you and apologize for everything but I know that it won't fix anything at all…I don't think that anything can fix what I have done to you. So many lies I have told you in the time that we have been together. I was surprised that you actually had believed me. I was hanging onto a past that I should of let go a long time ago and am now just realizing it…now that you're gone. _

_I told myself I won't miss you _

_But I remembered  
What it feels like beside you  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me_

_I can't forget the feeling of your beside me even though your side has grown so cold now…I still refuse to sleep on that side of the bed. That spot will always be for you and only you. I miss the way that I would wake up to an eye full of pink hair when you were sleeping on my chest or the way that your "innocence" tasted. I don't think that I can ever forget any of that. It will be forever engraved into my heart and memory. You deserve so much better than me…you always have deserved better. _  
_While looking through your old box of notes  
I found those pictures I took  
That you were looking for  
If there's one memory I don't want to lose  
That time at the mall  
You and me in the dressing room_

_I still remember the time that you dragged me to go shopping at the mall with you for a new stage outfit…how much fun that had been. _

**Flashback:**

Yuki was bored as he followed his boyfriend around the store to shop for a new stage outfit.

"You know you could go somewhere else if you want…if you're that bored." Shuichi said as he picked up a shirt and looked at it…not even making eye contact with Yuki. Yuki just sighed to himself and shook his head.

_Hopefully he'll be done soon and we can go home_ He thought as he followed his lover to the dressing rooms taking a seat in one of the chairs outside. When Shuichi came out he was wearing a pair of tight black jeans that left very little to the imagination with a black fishnet and blood red tank top over it. (simple but hot) With a little dark makeup and a few accessories Shuichi would be a walking wet dream for any woman or man that was going to see him a few days from now.

"Yuki what do you think" Shuichi asked him making Yuki look at him. Yuki thought that he was dreaming when he looked at his little lover. That was not what he had expected from Shuichi for his attire but he didn't mind…not in the least. Standing up Yuki walked over to Shuichi and pushed him back inside the dressing room locking the door behind him.

"You know if you don't like it you could have just said so." Shuichi said reaching to take the tank top off. Yuki stopped him and leaned in close.

"Let me take this off of you Shu." Yuki said seductively and pressing himself against Shuichi so that the boy could feel how much he had really liked that outfit that he had picked out.

**End Flashback:**

_To think that no one even knew what happened in that room since you were so loud._ Yuki laughed to himself a little at the memory of how loud his lover was that day and how embarrassed he was when they were done.

_There was a box of notes and photos that you left behind that were hidden under the bed. When I read those notes I thought that I was going to die. Not only were they notes of love that you had written to me but there were also ones that said everything that I have ever said and done to you since we have been together. I saw that you had those pictures that I took of you. I was reluctant to let you have them but you liked them so much that I did…that must have been the only time that I was nice to you in a long time. I am so sorry Shu…you have no idea how much I want to take everything back and hold you in my arms. To change everything that I have done and take it back never to happen again. I want to erase all of the bad things that I have ever done to you just so that we could be together so that we can finally be happy. I don't know how much longer I can survive without you here with me. It's so hard without you here…the apartment is so empty and void of life now that you are gone. I want you back so badly Shu…I need you back. I am begging you to come back to me. Please…_

Yuki finished writing before staring down at the long letter. He was going to give it to Shuichi no matter what…even if he had to go through the boy's best friend so that he would get it. Yuki took out an envelope and sealed it inside writing Shuichi's name on the front before getting up and walking to the door grabbing his keys and slipping on his shoes before heading out the door to the elevator.

_Hopefully Hiro won't kill me for what I have done to him._ It wasn't that Yuki was afraid of Hiro it was that he just didn't feel like dealing with a pissed off on a death rampage Hiro. He has dealt with it to many times in the past so not only does it not affect him anymore but he just didn't feel like dealing with it. When the elevator reached the garage he went over to his car and after starting it he left the parking lot going towards Hiro's house. Yuki turned on the radio and he heard the song _Better Than Me_ playing that was by Hinder.

_How fitting it this song for my life right now?_ Yuki thought as he continued to drive.

_I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remembered  
What it feels like beside you  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me_

**With Shuichi:**

Shuichi was curled up on Hiro's couch watching television quietly since Hiro was on the phone. He had changed a lot in the past month that he was away from his lover. He no longer had pink hair…it was jet black now. He was not as hyper and his eyes seemed to have lost the spark that they once had.

_Yuki I miss you so much…why haven't you come for me yet? Why haven't you asked for me? Is it finally over this time? Are there no more us…no more future for us…no more being together? _Shuichi continued to ask these questions to himself not ever hearing the doorbell ring loudly though the house a few times. Sighing Hiro went to answer the door to fine Yuki standing there with his hands in his pockets.

"What do you want?" Hiro asked coldly to the man that was in front of him.

"I came to drop something off." Yuki said in a cold tone but there was a hint of sadness there too. Yuki took his right hand out of his pocket and held out the letter to Hiro.

"Shouldn't you give this to him?" Hiro asked looking at the letter than the man standing before him.

"I don't think that he wants to see me at the moment so I will just go now and leave him alone." Yuki said before leaving the door and going back to his car. Hiro closed the door and walked over to the couch where his best friend was curled up watching television.

"Here something came for you." Hiro said handing Shuichi the letter allowing him to open it. Shuichi read the whole thing slowly taking his time to soak in every word. Shuichi let a few tears escape his eyes as he folded the letter again and put it back in its envelope holding it close.

"Are you going back to him?" Shuichi nodded before saying.

"Not tonight Hiro. I'm going to make him wait a bit longer. I think that after the show on Friday night I will go back to him."

"Are you sure that you want to do that?" Hiro was really concerned for his friend and would do anything for him.

"I am sure Hiro…I have caused enough trouble here and it seems like he really does miss me there. I will give this one last try."

"Alright Shu…if that is what is going to make you happy then go ahead…I will always be there for you if you ever need me…no matter what it is." Hiro said before going into the kitchen to prepare what there were eating for dinner that night.

_**The bed I'm lying in is getting colder  
Wish I never would've said it's over  
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older  
Cause we never really had our closure  
This can't be the end**_

Yuki returned to an empty apartment once again. Sighing to himself he made his way to the bedroom to go to sleep, not even bothering to get something to eat for dinner.

_To think that I said that I would never miss you Shu and now look at me. I am a wreck without you in my life…you keep me balanced and make me feel loved even though that love wasn't returned right away like it should have been. I still cannot believe some of the things that had come out of my mouth that night. _

**Flashback:**

Yuki was sitting in his office typing away at an up coming deadline when Shuichi came bursting through the door and pouncing on him.

"Shuichi get off of me now." Yuki said in a cold tone trying to shake the brat off of him. Shuichi just continued to hold onto him no matter what and that's when Yuki got more than mad at him. He just exploded on Shuichi out of frustration.

"This is over Shuichi! I am through with dealing with your bull shit! Get the hell out of my house now and do not come back…EVER!" Yuki said slapping Shuichi across the face with the back of his hand. Shuichi was shocked to say the least. He ran from the room and into the bedroom packing as much as he could in his duffle bag before leaving right out the front door.

**End Flashback:**

_There no amount of words that can fix what happened that night nor express how much that I want you back in my life…_  
**_I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me  
(And I think you should know this)  
(You deserve much better than me)_**

**Friday Afternoon:**

Yuki was still moping around the apartment feeling horrible about what happened and still wondering how on earth he could let the one person that he loved hurt so much. There was a sudden knock on the door making Yuki jump slightly before going over to answer the door.

"What do you want?" He asked when he opened the door to find Tohma standing there. He stepped aside so that Tohma could enter the apartment.

"I am here to give you something from Shuichi." Yuki's breath caught in his throat at the mentioning of his lover. Turning around to face the man he just looked at him as Tohma pulled an envelope out of his pocket, holding it out to the writer.

"I know that I did not approve of your relationship when this first started out but over the past few years I have come to accept it and accept Shuichi as part of this family in a way. What you did was unacceptable and should be unforgivable but he really does love you. Don't screw this up again because I don't think that he can take any more of this. Next time it could be worse than him just leaving you." Tohma said before handing Yuki the envelope and walking out the apartment door. Yuki opened the envelope finding inside a ticket along with the usual backstage pass. What surprised him was a note along with them.

_Tonight at 7:30 at Zepp Tokyo. _

_I hope that you show up and aren't to busy with your novel…_

_Love you and miss you-_

_Shuichi_

Glancing at the clock he saw that it was 6:00 and that he had exactly an hour to get ready. Putting the envelope on the table he made his way down the hall to the bathroom for a shower.

**Friday Night:**

Screams from hundreds of fans filled the room as Bad Luck preformed their last song of the night. Shuichi's eyes scanned the crowd looking for his blonde haired lover. Sighing to himself he walked off stage with the rest of the band.

"That was a great show Shu! You were so sparkly!" Ryuuichi exclaimed hugging his friend.

"Thanks." Shuichi tried to say with Ryuuichi squeezing the life out of him.

"Are you okay Shuichi?" He asked him seriously.

"I'm fine don't worry about it…it's nothing. I better go and see the guys and get changed." Shuichi said before leaving his idol to stand there and watch him walk away.

_Eiri Yuki you asshole._ Was the only thought that crossed his mind.

"Ryuuichi…" Someone said behind him. Turning he around he found the asshole himself standing there. Not thinking clearly Ryuuichi threw a hard right hook hitting Yuki right in the jaw.

"You son of a bitch. Do you know how bad that you hurt him? How much you do hurt him?!" All Yuki could do was listen to the man yell at him for how much of an asshole he was.

"Why do you think that I'm here? I'm going to break things off completely so that he can be with someone better…he deserves someone better." Yuki mumbled the last part but Ryuuichi heard it. The man was shocked to say the least. He didn't even expect him to come down here and do what he's doing.

"Yuki…" a voice said from somewhere behind Ryuuichi.

"Shu…" Yuki walked passed the pop singer and to his lover.

"You're really breaking up with me? You don't want me anymore?" Tears were starting to form in the younger one's eyes.

"It's not that I don't want you anymore because believe me I do. Shuichi you deserve so much better than me. I treat you so badly and am so mean to you. You don't deserve to go through that." Yuki dropped his head looking to the floor expecting Shuichi to yell at him and tell him that he did deserve better and that Yuki didn't deserve him.

_Well I don't deserve him anyway so it's pretty fitting I think that he does react that way._ What he didn't expect was the younger wrapping his arms around his waist and putting his head on his chest holding him tightly.

"I know that I probably deserve better but…I don't want anyone better. I feel like I have the best that there is." Shuichi looked up at his lover.

"I love you and nothing and no one is going to change how I feel about you. Please don't end things like this…I don't know if I can take not having you in my live at all." When Shuichi was done talking he was crying with his head buried into Yuki's chest.

"Please don't leave me Yuki." Yuki put his arms around him and held him close.

"If this is what you really want Shu…I will try to be nicer but you have to help me." Yuki said looking into the watering eyes of his lover. Shuichi nodded a yes and smiled at him.

"If I ever hit you again I do not want you coming back…ever." Yuki told him.

"I don't know if I can do that Yuki."

"For me Shu…please promise me that you will leave if I ever hit you again." Yuki was begging him.

"Thinking about you leaving me because of that will help me get better and not let it happen because I always want you in my life." (Well isn't he the smart one?)

"Okay Yuki."

"Don't call me that." Now Shuichi was confused…not call him what.

"Call me Eiri. It's my name anyway…Yuki is part of the past now and I don't want you saying his name anymore." Shuichi smiled and leaned up to kiss his lover. Eiri closed the gap between them sharing the first soft kiss that they have had in months.

"I love you Shuichi." Yuki said when they broke apart.

"I love you too Eiri." Shuichi replied with watery eyes.

**END!**

**FF**: I hope that all of you liked this story. 12 pages long and over 3,000 words! I think that this is the longest one-shot that I have ever written. I have the new and probably last chapter of Far Away in the works! I heard this song and just had to write something for it since I thought that it was perfect for them. Please leave a review letting me know what you think. If you see any errors at all then let me know…I wrote a lot of this when I was falling asleep at 2 am this morning cause I just had to get the idea down. Thanks for reading and see you next time!


End file.
